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Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.
Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

I loved this book. I hated this book. I mostly loved this book. Argh, where to start. I want to say this book is amazing and dealt with depression well and I loved it. But I can’t. I just can’t. Because I have rules, and this book breaks one of the most important ones.

We’ll get on to that in a bit, because I really don’t want to run the risk of making this a completely rant-y review when I actually really enjoyed this book.

“And this time, I can feel my hand. I can feel everything. And I want to keep feeling everything. Even the painful, awful, terrible things.”

The Good

Despite it’s flaw(s), this is a really beautiful book and it did make me cry. It’s full of hope and life and that’s the complete opposite of what I expected. I went into this novel thinking it would kind of drag me down. I expected for it to be dark and sad and devoid of life. But it was actually very different in many ways – it left me hopeful rather than sobbing.

I also actually felt that for the most part, Aysel’s depression was described extremely well. Although I can’t talk from personal experience, I’ve read many reviews that say her depression is pretty spot on, and I can’t argue. Although mental illness affects everyone differently, most people seem to relate to her thought processes, and it seems to be really well done. Although I have never been diagnosed with a mental illness, I have had my low times, and I can agree that Aysel’s depression was easy to relate to.

Alongside all of the deep and meaningful stuff, this book is good in the general sense. It has some really good side characters including friends and family, it holds an interesting story and a good plot. And the writing is beautiful, without being pretentious like other authors that shall not be named (*cough* John Green *cough*).

“Because feeling things is what lets us know that we’re alive.
And I want to be alive.”

The Bad

Despite how much I still love this book, I can’t overlook one simple fact. And if you don’t want spoilers for this book, you might want to skip this part!

Aysel was cured.

I just want to say, I wouldn’t say I disagree that being in love can help with depression. In fact, I think having people around you is an incredibly big help. Hell, I even think being in love can help you see the world through fresh eyes and help emotionally. But I can’t help but feel that this message could be slightly damaging to teens. I think it’s about time we have a book about a character who overcomes a mental illness with the help from their family, friends, and a doctor or other mental health specalist. It’s not that I don’t agree with the message this book portrays, I just believe we need another story.

★★★★

-Beth

May your shelves forever overflow with books! ☽

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The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. The black sign, painted in white letters that hangs upon the gates, reads: Opens at Nightfall Closes at Dawn. As the sun disappears beyond the horizon, all over the tents small lights begin to flicker, as though the entirety of the circus is covered in particularly bright fireflies. When the tents are all aglow, sparkling against the night sky, the sign appears. Le Cirque des Reves. The Circus of Dreams. Now the circus is open. Now you may enter.

I absolutely adored this book. I found it magical and beautiful, and I don’t know how anyone could not feel involved and enchanted by this book.

It’s been a year now since I found this one, and although it’s taken me a while, I’m so glad I finally got round to reading it! It’s not often that I find a book so heavily setting based, but it worked. It worked so well. It’s hard to describe what exactly I loved so much about this book. I just felt utterly captivated by it.

I can understand why people have called this book boring – but I think sprawling suits it much better. This book kind of needs a large collection of pages to explain itself completely. The plot can come across as so complicated, it works being revealed slowly.

“Secrets have power. And that power diminishes when they are shared, so they are best kept and kept well. Sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them.”

I felt so completely inside this book. That’s hard to describe, but it’s true. I felt so deeply involved with this thing that is the circus. And I think that’s why this book stands so far apart from many others, because I didn’t feel necessarily involved in the characters or the plot or any normal bookish things. But I felt involved in the circus, and for me, that was enough.

I would agree that this book is slow. But it’s slow in a relaxing, chilled way. It’s slow in a way that let me consume this book over weeks. This book isn’t without romance, but don’t go into it thinking you’re going to read a romance book. Actually, I would say this book is much more about love than romance. Love between people. Love between places. Love contained in letters sent across the globe.

“ Writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. So it’s really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.”

I don’t know what else I can possibly say about this book as I don’t feel I could possibly do it justice. This is an incredibly atmospherical read and I would highly recommend that if you like the sound of it, you should go and read it. And when you do, be prepared to be transported into a world that will completely and utterly enchant you.

★★★★★

-Beth

May your shelves forever overflow with books! ☽

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